comments upon blogs

a friend of mine, who i have know for a very long time, since glen ellyn days, wrote a note to a guy, saying basically she wanted to fuck them. this guy who she has been flirting with for many a day, replied to her, it will never happen, doesn't want it to happen, and if she does not stop bugging him, basically he will fire her ass. she is also married with 2 kids, and is very unhappy with the husband, and kind of wants out, but the kids...

so in a dehumanized world ones writes a sad story about how, what to do? where to go? why why why, fantastys, realtiies, all on a blog.
so on a blog one writes......

and then i wrote this to her.



as i sit here by myself on another saturday night, like so many others, i understand, don't you think i want to be in naples right now?
i've been living in a fantasy for 2 weeks, (which was real), and a fantasy for the last 3 years, wishing for that fantasy, and you know, fantasys are good, they are real.
there as real as you want to make them.

and things don't work, and then a person is forced back into a reality or their past reality, before anything happened. its sad, its hard, lonely and very annoying.

of course i don't have another reminding me of it everyday.

depending on the issues that are effecting, when will things change? they will not if your surrounded by unchange. and dear lord, how can a person change within that context, you can't you will go crazy, i talked to someone 2 nights ago who has been waiting for 7 months for someone "to come around", i know this person will not come around, but i didn't have the heart to tell him, he is wasting his time, i could only tell him, my past with with person, and how i spent 3 years waiting for it, and it never came, and it made me crazy back in high school. but i can make it change now. and i did, finally after 18 years, i did. am i sad yes. but i would rather get the unchage away.

i don't know.

of course i'm glad you have lot of people who love you and care about me, like when john tms me or you call out of the blue, when i was feeling like a real jerk in the middle of day, feeling sorry for myself, and that makes me feel better, because i know someone cares. they know, i don't even really have to say anything.

it depends what your looking for, this i don't really know.

you have to remember what in your past that gave you pleasure and fun, and try to start again. or continue with it.

like today doing my homework, on the message board, this annoying girl jessica, and she wrote a reply to my answer, and i smiled, because i knew i think, i was ok again.

oh don't get wrong, my fantasy is still there, if i found one, which i didn't think there was any, then i know there most more. :)


i think when you were holding your coffee, dear god for 3 hours there, i think it was clarity.